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Article by Alex Martin. Edited by Tom Hercock. Additional Research by Helen Midgley.

Revolution: a radical paradigm shift in the established order. A process in History that has given us great figures such as Oliver Cromwell, George Washington and Maximilien Robespierre. For better or for worse these people’s statures stand tall in History and in our mind, but revolutions do not begin and end within the political world. There have been revolutions in the sciences (Einsteinian physics) technology (the internet and cars) and culture (pop music) and in most facets of the world we live in today. However this article is neither for the successes, nor the grand nor even for what we have around us today, but for the failures, the ignoble and the forgotten. These are the revolutions that got left behind.

The Anglo-Zanzibar War

The Anglo-Zanzibar war took place on August 27 1896 and was the shortest war of all time, which at its lengthiest estimate was 45 minutes long, depending on your interpretation of the beginning or war. For example is it at the declaration of war or the first shot? (The declaration was 9pm the first shot was 9:02 pm.) Moreover the naval log books record varying times of Zanzibar’s capitulation, (ranging from 9:35 to 9:45!) The cause of the war was the death of pro-British Sultan Hamid bin Thuwaini, and the ascension of Sultan Khalid Bin Barghash, who was not as pro British. Barghash however did not receive the proper permission to take up his position of sultan from the British Consul. This error violated a ten year old treaty, giving British forces the necessary excuse to shell the Zanzibarian Palace until Barghash gave up.

The Segway Personal Transporter

Have you ever heard the bad joke: ‘it’s 2010 where is my jetpack!?!?!??!’ Well in the year 2000 we got close to the mass sale and consumption of a futuristic mode of transport. It was the Segway, a computer-managed, self-balancing mode of transport that was easily controlled yet safe for any layman to use and highly manoeuvrable. A work of technical genius from inventor Dean Kamen, which Steve Jobs (the co-founder of Apple) claimed would necessitate cities be ‘architected’ around this wonderful new invention. Venture Capitalist John Doerr proclaimed the product as ‘revolutionary as the internet’, and invested heavily in it. Other business celebrities such as Jeff Bezos of Amazon.com fawned over the super-scooter. The public however did not react in the same way. At a price of $5000 per unit (sold at Amazon.com) sales were low (legs after all come free at birth). As revolutionary as the internet? Certainly not as successful as Sultan Khalid Bin Barghash against the British? Perhaps.

Caligula’s Assassination, the Attempted Restoration of The Republic and the Ascension of Claudius 

Caligula was a Roman Emperor unpopular among the Senate and his bodyguards, not a combination bound to breed success in politics or longevity in life. Cassius Chaerea, a bodyguard who Caligula often called effeminate and two others conspired to have Caligula assassinated. The Senate, probably involved, if not aware of, the plot, attempted to use the opportunity to restore the Roman Republic. However the public’s and the army’s support for the imperial order led to Claudius (who had been taken from Rome to hide in a Praetorian camp) being made Emperor.

The Republic of West Florida

The Republic of West Florida was a little known republic that lasted for 90 days, but began its territorial decline 34 days into its existence. It came into existence after British and American migrants and settlers of the region allowed their resentment of Spanish rule to boil over into open revolt, capturing Baton Rouge on September 23 in 1820. The short lived republic eventually succumbed to American pressure to join the union. Its administrative capital has a modern day population of 1,712 and was governed only by Fulwar Skipwith, who was an American citizen who helped to negotiate the Louisiana Purchase. Under the current geographical organization of states in America no part of The Republic of West Florida would be in Florida; instead it has been divided between Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana.

Cold Fusion

Cold Fusion is the process by which a sustained nuclear reaction occurs at room temperature. It is the energy industry’s Holy Grail, a lucrative end to most if not all of our energy issues. Clean, safe, emitting no greenhouse gasses, cheap and simple to produce, destroying our need for expensive and potentially risky nuclear power plants and the need to buy oil form the Middle East. However like the Holy Grail it is also likely not to exist. This did not stop two electrochemists (Martin Fleischmann and Stanley Pons) claiming that they had produced these results. Due to a desire to maintain a hold over the patent the announcement was made in a very peculiar way. Instead of a publication in an academic journal it was announced on the American news magazine programme 60 Minutes. Most scientists couldn’t repeat the results, and although there is a ‘little band’ of scientists who ‘fervently believe’ in Cold Fusion and the results of Pons and Fleischmann, most consider the work ‘sloppy’ and ‘incomplete.

Conclusion

I’m not sure what kind of conclusion I can draw out from this mish-mash of failures and forgotten states. There’s no unifying reason why they all failed, in Zanzibar they did not have enough fire power to repel the British. In West Florida they did not have the will to be independent any longer and with the Segway it was an unnecessary invention. However what can be said is that these events and ideas are not totally useless to an historian. Firstly they tell us about the quacks and crazies that there have been, as well as the determination to try even in the face of overwhelming odds. But most of all they serve to highlight the political, military and scientific genius of those who did make it, and those who did survive. So later today stop for a moment, and raise a glass to the Martin Fleischmann’s and Fulwar Skipwith’s, just for the simple fact that they make the Thomas Edison’s and George Washington’s look so much better.

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